Positive Polly

Around mid November I felt this sense of change was upon me. We had moved into a new home, in a new neighborhood, with a new mind set. My life seemed like it was on the uphill towards inner growth, a budding relationship and whatever else I could create in this brain of mine. Little did I know the change that was really upon me was a baby. That’s right folks, I am having a baby; oh sorry we. We are having a baby. Together we will be responsible for a human being. Protecting it, defending it, loving it, nurturing it, anything this kid needs to survive this cruel world. This is a wonderfully joyous but insane journey that has been laid out for me. I am no joke drowning my worries in french fries and ice cream contemplating if I am ready for this. Are we ever really ready to make the ultimate sacrifice? MOTHERHOOD.

Since becoming pregnant I have been nothing but an “expectational psychotic worry warrior of justice”. It has been crazy, I have been crazy, which is nothing new if you know me. I spend lots of time overanalyzing everything instead of relishing in the moment of bringing life. Fortunately for me and thank you Jesus for it, the people around me are super excited about the baby; weirdly enough it kind of makes me want to vomit. Their joy makes me more anxious, like I’m supposed to automatically have this sense of “I got this”, and I don’t. My mind is traveling in circles, thinking what have I got myself into. And I know you’re probably reading this thinking 1. this chick sounds ungrateful 2. why wasn’t she more careful if she didn’t want kids. You’re right about everything. I am ungrateful, and I should have committed to a lifetime supply of condoms, but can I be honest with you? I never believed God would grant me this gift. I swore we were on the same page about my efforts as a mother. Maybe he sees something I do not, he always does.

Dear child of mine if you ever read this, I am scared. I am scared that I will fail you. I am scared that I will fail myself. I am scared this relationship with your father isn’t ready to handle all of what comes with being parents and that we will both fail you. All I have is faith. Faith that the moment I see you, you will change me. You will give me the courage to just be a mother; I won’t add any extra adjectives to that. I have faith that if we make this happen it was the power of your love that made it true. But truthfully if I fail you, please know I tried, maybe not enough for you, but all that I had in me. I wish I could baby-proof the universe, make life easier for you. The only thing I will do is be the tree to your bird’s nest. Help you to grow, to fly, but always be constant. We love you, always.

Sincerely, Your Village.

Love More, Peace More and Roar More.

Your Wild Spirit Guide, 

Allie

22 Comments

  1. Sofia

    January 18, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    Dead. This was beautiful allie! Real and honest and vulnerable. We have trust in you and drew!! Not sure you’ll ever be ready, but I know you’ll be a kick ass cool mom!! ❤️❤️ Love you and this journey of yours!

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 18, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      If we had a tomagotchi we basically can take over the world! This baby will have such amazing aunties if I am ever slacking I’ll just drop this little rascal at your house! Haha love you

  2. Tee

    January 18, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    Don’t make me cry here. Don’t vomit with what I will say. But you will be an amazing mom! This little raspberry will just show more of that from both of you! Love you and I’ll be on your sideline.

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 18, 2018 at 10:36 pm

      Haha I knew you would love the vomit part! I love how into this baby process you are, it gives me so much hope of our everlasting friendship! Xoxo

  3. DeLane

    January 18, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    Girllllll why are you making me cry!! Love this post, you will be one dope a** mom!! Not for nothing, we know that your bundle of joy is going EAT really really good! Congrats to you and your boo!

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 18, 2018 at 10:39 pm

      Lmaooo! This baby is always hungry so we are already connected lol! Thank you for reading, and sharing your support! ❤️

  4. Fatima Torres

    January 18, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    Don’t worry. I’ve been on this motherhood journey for almost five years and it changes all the time. Every child is different, and every mama knows what their child needs. You’ll know.

    And as far as whether or not you’ll fail your child, only you have the power over that. Good luck!

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 18, 2018 at 10:40 pm

      Just know that I will be calling you up panicking like I don’t know what I’m doing, help me lol and then we can cry and laugh about motherhood together!

  5. Lisa parisi

    January 18, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    So beautiful

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 18, 2018 at 10:41 pm

      Thank you oh so much!

  6. Steph

    January 18, 2018 at 5:04 pm

    My Allie is a mama!!! Where has time gone!!! This was an awesome blog! Very vulnerable and real, as real as you are! I love you!!!

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 18, 2018 at 10:44 pm

      Time has happened so quickly you’re married, I’m popping out a baby. Childhood blossoms into adulthood wish we recorded it all the baby would have great laughs! You’ll just have to come and share them!

  7. Tata

    January 18, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    My Munchkin all grown up, beautiful words, real, honest, genuine.. you will be an amazing mother, you guys got this.. its a journey my love, one that you will learn to enjoy as you go.. .. love you to pieces, your Tata..

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 19, 2018 at 8:38 pm

      I was raised by amazing wonderfully insanely loving women. Somebody is bound to take over when I’m slacking lol love you!

  8. Shawnee

    January 19, 2018 at 12:45 am

    That was the most beautiful words Allie. We are over the moon to hear of this new journey.. You both will be anazing parents. Just remember you will never be ready for parenthood…thats the beauty of it…enjoy every second!!! Love you my beautiful Allie xoxoxoxo

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 19, 2018 at 8:34 pm

      The love you have your kids is a wonderful example of what motherhood looks like ❤️

  9. Faja

    January 19, 2018 at 3:35 pm

    After reading your blog I’m left with an overwhelming feeling of “Wow!” That is by far the most honest thing I’ve ever read. I found myself on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster (from a reaction standpoint). I went from “how exciting” to “I’m worried about her” and ultimately “I’ve never been prouder of her”.

    I want to share a few things with you…
    – You will fail. It’s inevitable. However, failure is not a bad thing. Never fear failure. From failure comes experience, maturity, growth and knowledge. Ultimately, all of your failures will lead to future successes. Some big, some small.
    – One of the bravest things you can ever do is admit you’re scared. Crazy right? So by admitting you’re scared, you also demonstrated how brave you are!
    – I am blessed and privileged to have you as a daughter and be your “faja”. Dylan and Devon are blessed to have such an amazing sister. Andrew is blessed to have you but you are also blessed to have him. And this baby the two of you have created is blessed to have you both (and Memphis Wayne).

    As long as you love & express that love for your child…as long as you always try to do what you think is right…you can never fail.
    I love you,
    Faja

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 19, 2018 at 8:39 pm

      My child is going to be so happy, proud, excited, and loved to have a grandpa like you around who can coach his basketball team as well! Love you faja!!!!

      1. Faja

        January 19, 2018 at 9:03 pm

        Or HER team! LOL

        1. LivetheAllieWay

          January 19, 2018 at 9:16 pm

          LOl I keep saying He idk why :X

  10. Lydia

    January 19, 2018 at 7:08 pm

    That was beautifully said! You and Drew will be amazing parents without a doubt in my mind. Allie know that anything you need you can count on us, anything at all love you baby girl😘

    1. LivetheAllieWay

      January 19, 2018 at 8:33 pm

      Thank you thank you and thank you again for being apart of my life for as long as you have been and for your support and love!

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