Macro”ing” the Dosage
Have you heard of this new phenomenon, well maybe not new but I just heard about it, called microdosing? It isn’t a new term of course, but one I have come to find out is being used as a tool for creativity or sometimes self destruction. It’s a matter of your interpretation. The other day friends and I attended a class at the Alchemist Kitchen in NYC where the teacher explained to us the pros and cons of such a treatment, that could even include the use of alcohol. At that moment a flashback played in mind.
You know those signs they have on job sites? The ones that tell you the last time there was a safety issue. Thats my life. A series of “oops” and “I cannot do that again”. Anytime my life seems to be on an uphill, I start to count down the days before I crash and burn. Ugh I know self pity is quite a disgusting trait. But this isn’t going to be another one of those “self medicated playing the victims” blog. That would lack creativity. Instead I am going to shine a light on a dark issue, that we sometimes don’t take as seriously. We’re too busy dulling our actions with placebos to ever really stand in the light. (Scandal reference)
Last week, Andrew had to drive an hour away from his path to find me on the side of the road. I had explained to him over the phone that I had a flat tire but never deny variations of the truth. I did have a flat but I also drove the car right into a ditch. Stupid, I know. I could tell you how trouble always finds me but anyone familiar with ridiculous mistakes, knows theres no such thing. Did i make the decision to drink that night. Yes. Did I then decide it would be a great idea to drive. Unfortunately Yes. Both great modes of transportation mentally and physically when put together while emotionally unstable it causes a disastrous explosion. [My last statements do not in anyway condone/make excuses for my actions or those of others. It was a hundred percent irresponsible of me.] Thank you Jesus, that he was on my side and no one was harmed — minus Mother Nature, a street sign and my dignity.
Now why am I throwing myself under the bus while I try to get you to understand microdosing. Well, two ideas were said that night that hit me. One is that microdosing is hard to study as you could never measure the correct amount. Two is that if we took the time to balance our own selves would we ever need to microdose? Hmm.. good questions. So there I am with this incident running through my mind realizing that I may have spent my entire adult hood essentially (macro)dosing. Im nearing thirty and I still quite don’t know who I am or who I want to be. I know who I think I should be but I haven’t categorized the two into fiction and non-fiction. That incident really started an earthquake that broke off California into the Pacific Ocean. It was like okay I need to get over that phase of being invincible and figure out how to get on with life missing a huge piece that once held me together. It sounds sad, that I talk about drinking as a personality trait for myself. For so long it was or still is; in groups of people I drink to seem more relatable, dealing with aches I drink to pretend they don’t exist. Do I think I am an alcoholic, no! I don’t drink everyday, I drink when I feel it’s necessary. Maybe I am a user of sorts, a user of altering reality. Who isn’t? In any case, things have to shift in order for us to be woken up. So when that guy said if we balance our own selves out would we even need to microdose? No we wouldn’t! That question will forever be the mantra whenever I drink to get belligerent. There is nothing wrong with indulging in societal activities. It’s when you take it so far that you are unable to control your motor skills. That’s when you really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Considering this all happened, I’m still in the rebuilding stage. I’m microdosing as I write this. Baby steps, right?!?
Love more, Peace more and Roar more.
Your Wild Spirit Guide,
PSA: DO NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DRINK AND DRIVE! IT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. PLEASE BE RESPONSIBLE.