The Girl with a thousand Best Friends
Dear Best Friend,
To the one who pretended to be my friend all year then told me on the last day of school. To the one who punched me in the face when I told a boy you liked him. To the one who convinced me to dump a boy only so she could date him. To the one who made a pact to marry when we were thirty then broke my heart every chance he got. To the one who would snitch on my every move. I thank you. I thank you for allowing me to see how vulnerable i was. To see how desperate i was for that proximity to another being that i would consider you something so misunderstood as a best friend.
As you can see I have had many best friends. The moon orbits the Earth less than the revolving door that is my friendships. I know that does not say much about me. It shows my lack of loyalty, flaky behavior and vulnerabilities. Its true that very well is me. As a child I loved the idea of a best friend, it meant having a sibling, the siblings i didn’t have until i was well into my teens. But is that what a best friend is? You have a sister, a brother, a cousin, an aunt, a grandparent, a parent, a lover and a friend. The word best, in my opinion, is giving that other individual way too many expectations. And people never seem to meet any other person’s expectations. I mean, how could they? When these expectations are in our head, they are ever so changing dependent on any given situation. This, was my achilles heel.
I expect. I expect the people around me to understand who i am while never opening the door into who this person is. My expectation is that i am sitting on a rocking chair with a book in my hand, waiting for the door to be knocked on so that i can finally tell them my story. Truth is no-one ever knocks on the door. Maybe they never knew there was a door. Or maybe they were only ever interested in the girl outside of the house not the girl waiting to read her story. Both could be true. Some people are too afraid to dive beneath the surface. They’re like Jesus walking on water. While others will become certified scuba divers. My job was to decipher which category these friends fell into. Not do what i always did, feel a close connection with someone, then automatically stamp them “BEST FRIEND OF A LIFETIME”
Living up to that title is not an easy feat. Even i found myself not living up to that name. I can be selfish, i can be emotionally charged, i can be downright mean. Not only have these people failed me but i have also failed them in more ways than one. What i can do now is apologize, apologize for never being honest with my expectations, for never opening up to you, for never really standing by your side when you needed me most. But what i am most sorry for is lying to you. For allowing you to think we were best friends. We never were, we were partners in this journey called life. We were put in each others lives for a moment. We lived great lives together, and i will forever be grateful for the memories i can cherish for a lifetime. Now it is time to develop different more complex relationships leaving the word “Best Friend” behind.
Love more, Peace more and Roar more.
Your Wild Spirit Guide,
PSA Announcement: This does not mean we shouldn’t have best friends. For me this means i will treat the word with more care and attention to detail. As we all should when we choose people to share life journeys with. Go forth and find your best friend or make your friend feel a little more appreciated today.