Drunken Sailor

It all started one Saturday morning. The day was just like any other. The sun was shining, birds were chirping and I was on the hunt for another adventure. I put on my best outfit and headed out the door. What we were supposed to do was not what ended up happening. Isn’t that how the best stories start?

From mid August to mid September sunflowers are said to be in bloom. Every year I scroll through these amazing Instagram pictures and every year I attempt my own Instagram worthy shot. It never fails that on the planned day I get dressed, start heading to the maze check the site one last time and there it is. “Closed early due to unforeseen circumstances” At this point I’m contemplating growing my own sunflower maze. Luckily for me I had stopped at the Irish Whisperer prior to our drive so I downed three shots and figured out my next move. After a Kona beer and Jack Daniels shots you’re pretty much on the runway train to debauchery.

There I was, no sunflowers in sight but in “apple country”. Off we went apple picking, beer in hand! It was thirty dollars for a bag of apples which sounds absolutely ridiculous to me, what was I going to do with all those apples. So I pulled an Adam & Eve picked an apple from the floor and ate it as I toured the farm. The farm was filled with more children than adults and no spiked cider. Buzzkill!

Like I said before I was on a mission. A mission with no real agenda. The screaming babies had us running to our next stop, The Warwick Valley Winery.

That place is seriously a day club in the middle of nowhere. So many drunk adults towing around confused babies wondering if there’s a carousel in sight. Poor things. The lines were longer than opening day of a new rollercoaster at Six Flags. We picked the shortest line and grabbed two of the closest wine bottles. They weren’t the tastiest but at this point we were feeling tipsy. We chugged the bottle as if War on Wine was closing in on us. The food smelled delicious but the line was unbearable which led us to Penning’s Farm, our most favorite farm in Warwick. The food never disappoints! Wings and Cheesy Macaroni is always the answer to sober up the body. Little did I know sobering up would be a necessity.

I am not quite sure at what point I had agreed to drop acid but by three am I was questioning all of my life decisions. Out of all the drugs I had ingested up until that point, acid is by far my favorite (Sorry Mom) It was transcendent. Sounds so cliche, but it was. Being able to witness trees dancing in the light made what I believed to be complex, simple. Worries had no reason to exist when all you see are rainbows. And the sex, is a scene right out of that show Sense 8 where they are all sleeping with each other. The invention of sexual pleasure came from a person who was on acid! I am not kidding! If your relationship is lacking in the sexual connection, find someone who sells acid and drop two, thank me later! I will never be the same again, you can’t.  I travelled back in time to when hippies ruled the land. They knew what real life was all about, joy! Things start to become clearer, like how Lewis Carroll wrote such a marvelous story of wanderlust and beauty. In your mind all of it exists, and sometimes you need a little push to see it.

Love More, Peace More and Roar More.

Your Wild Spirit Guide, 



Please Drink & Drug Responsibly!


  1. Cherry

    October 11, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    Bruh hahaha acid trip ! Wine war ! Great read ! Makes me wana go on an adventure !

Leave a Reply